A belated update from The Dad

Aloha Friends,

Some of our customers and friends may have been wondering what the hell is going on over at NoniConnection? Not only have there been no big sales recently, but orders that used to arrive in two days sometimes take a week or more. Some of you may even have noticed some inconsistency in the taste of our juice–which is simply due to longer than normal fermentation times, caused by recent natural disasters that have struck Hawaii.

Long story short, it’s been a rough year. First, the volcanic eruption on the Big Island caused havoc with noni farmers in the Puna area. That stuff I wrote on our website in the early days of our business, about our Puna Noni being grown on the “slopes of long slumbering volcanoes” ? Well, I wasn’t just making up a story, and anyway they’re not slumbering anymore. And for Big Island noni farmers, if the sulphuric ash didn’t kill your crop, lava flows blocked the roads leading to it, so that even farmers whose trees survived the volcano were unable to harvest their crops or get them to market.

Regarding the taste factor I mentioned earlier, a few batches of our juice, which normally ferments for 4 to 6 weeks, had to stay in their fermentation tanks for several weeks longer while we waited for power and transport to be restored.

I forgot to mention the Hurricane Lane which hit Hawaii in August. Though not nearly as destructive as Madame Pele on the Big Island, the high wind and rains caused power and communication outages on Oahu, where our factory and offices are located, causing a disruption to our ability to field orders and other customer service issues.

The worst part for us is that all this happened just when our business was starting to grow, and big stores, like Whole Foods, were taking notice and buying our products. We were also attracting more international customers.

I hope this addresses some of your questions or concerns, including why there have been no sales during this holiday season. I hope to be able to make it up to you all later.

Aloha, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Jim Titcomb

2016 Presidential Playoffs

In the Democratic Playoffs, Cronyism has taken a huge lead over Socialism.

On the GOP side, National Populism has Constitutional Conservatism down by 90 points.

Barring a major turnover, such as an intervention by the FBI or the Justice Department (unlikely) Cronyism vs Populism is the likely card for this years Presidential Super Bowl.

Recommend drinking Puna Noni juice before, during, and after the Presidential debates to protect against nausea, bloviation, and the involuntary gag reflex.

ESPN must drink more noni

Curt Schilling was fired by ESPN for expressing his personal opinion, on his personal Facebook page, on his own personal time.

This is dead wrong. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, whether one agrees with them, or not. That’s why they’re called “opinions” and not “statements of fact.”

If opinions are to be censored, then they should be censored across the board, i.e. ESPN should forbid all employees from expressing ANY personal opinions.

Of course, this would be a tyrannical usurpation of our right to freedom of speech and expression.

Which is what ESPN is guilty of in the case of Curt Schilling.

Which would be clear to the ESPN bigwigs if they’d drink Noni juice on a regular basis, which is an excellent natural remedy for craniums stuck in anal orifices.

Punanoni, same, but different

Aloha, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

E komo mai! Check out the new crib!

We’ve moved to a new site, got some new products and packaging–but we’re still the same people, and the same company you’ve come to know and love. And our pure Hawaiian Puna Noni juice is still the best in the world. (Sorry, Tahitian Noni, but ya know it’s true)

NEW BODY CARE LINE: All wahine will LOVE our brand new line of body care products. (I’m told the adorable little 3oz bottles help get one past the touchy-feely types in the TSA with minimal groping.)

Also, we hope the new streamlined store and shopping cart will make your shopping experience easier.

Please tell us what you think.

Aloha and Happy Thanksgiving

Jim

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Our family is very happy to send our warmest greetings and best wishes to all those who are celebrating Christmas. We join with Americans everywhere in recognizing the sense of renewed hope and comfort this joyous season brings to our nation and the world.

The Nativity story of nearly twenty centuries ago is known by all faiths as a hymn to the brotherhood of man. For Christians, it is the fulfillment of age-old prophecies and the reaffirmation of God’s great love for all of us. Through a generous Heavenly Father’s gift of His Son, hope and compassion entered a world weary with fear and despair and changed it for all time.

On Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Christ with prayer, feasting, and great merriment. But, most of all, we experience it in our hearts. For, more than just a day, Christmas is a state of mind. It is found throughout the year whenever faith overcomes doubt, hope conquers despair, and love triumphs over hate. It is present when men of any creed bring love and understanding to the hearts of their fellow man.

The feeling is seen in the wondrous faces of children and in the hopeful eyes of the aged. It overflows the hearts of cheerful givers and the souls of the caring. And it is reflected in the brilliant colors, joyful sounds, and beauty of the winter season.

Let us resolve to honor this spirit of Christmas and strive to keep it throughout the year.

We here at NoniConnection ask you to join us in a prayer that prudence, wisdom, and understanding might descend on the people of all nations’ so that during the year ahead we may realize an ancient and wondrous dream: “peace on earth, goodwill toward men.”

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a traditional American holiday of reflection and gratitude for the love and joy that comes from the strong bonds of family and friends.

Ancient Hawaiians had a very similar celebration, called makahiki, a joyful affair where people from around the island would gather together with song and dancing, and share the fruits of their labors, reaped either from the earth or the ocean.

Whether it is called Thanksgiving or Makahiki, the same principle of food, family, and fun can be found.

From our family, to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Veterans Day

We here at NoniConnection would like to send a great big mahalo to our veterans. Words cannot convey our deep appreciation for your courage, dedication, and service to our country. We encourage all of our friends to take the time to donate a little something to a charity for veterans, such as Fisher House, or Wounded Warrior. And if you see someone in uniform, stop and shake his or her hand. Our country cannot do enough to repay the brave men and women who place their lives on the line so that we may continue to enjoy the freedoms that were hard fought for by veterans throughout the past two hundred years. Thank you.

Workers of the world, drink NONI juice

Studies have shown that drinking Noni juice increases proficiency and productivity. So while our politicians dither and bicker, let’s take matters into our own hands. Workers of the world, unite, and create a whole new era of wealth and prosperity. Encourage your bosses and co-workers to drink Noni juice at the start of every work day. Post a memo on the break room bulletin board. Drop a note in the suggestion box. Unplug the coffee machine, and replace it with a Noni juice dispenser. Wow, a Noni juice dispenser; what a great idea for a new invention…

Happy Independence Day

As we enjoy this 4th of July holiday with family, food, and friends, let us not forget the significance of this great day, as it unfolded 237 years ago. In the summer of 1776, the existence of what is now the United States of America was very much in doubt. The ringing words of the Declaration of Independence surely caused a sensation throughout the civilized world. But Britain’s King George was not pleased. He dispatched the world’s greatest military force to punish the rebellious colonists. It was only through the faith, courage, and sacrifice of great American heroes like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson that we enjoy the freedoms we have today. In these tumultuous times when we witness great conflict between the interests of good government and individual liberty, it behooves every American to revisit those founding documents that served as guiding beacons to those great heroes of America’s heritage.

King Kamehameha the Great

He is called Kamehameha the Great because in 1810 he conquered all the warring chiefs of the different Hawaiian islands, and formally established the unified Kingdom of Hawaii. He was feared by the alii (chiefs) but much loved by the common folk.

He was renowned for both his ferocity in battle as well as his fairness. He was beloved by commoners for his most famous fiat known as The Law of the Splintered Paddle (kanawai mamalahoe) which mandated that non-combatants, indigents, and the homeless had the right to sleep undisturbed on public parks and thoroughfares and were not to be disturbed.

Kamehameha was born in the Kohala district on the Big Island of Hawaii around 1758. Legend has it that a supernaturally bright star appeared in the heavens at the exact moment of his birth. (Modern astronomers tell us that 1758 is also the year that Halley’s Comet appeared).

The kahuna (healers/priests) who witnessed the event prophesied that the child born at the time would grow up to be a great conquering warrior. Upon hearing this, the reigning alii (chief) of Hawaii ordered all male children to be killed. Thus the swaddled newborn Kamehameha was bundled up and sent to Waipio to be raised in secret by foster parents.

Isn’t it interesting how many tales of wonderful heroes follow a similar pattern?